Thermidor

© 2017 Thermidor Magazine.

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Barbarian Hordes for a Digital Bronze Age

A friend fishing off the coast of New Jersey asked, “Do you know of BAP”. It opened a doorway into our friendship I had not known. Like many on the fringe right or the weird twitter corners that only Rosie Gray or masochistic checkmarks contact, I knew of BAP. I also knew my friend liked to piss outdoors whenever possible and wear no shoes. We once held a contest who would walk shoeless up the boardwalk and into honky-tonk seaside town the longest. My woman said, “Stop it you two there are loogies on the sidewalk”. He would plan with me local bank robberies when bored waiting for our girlfriends to buy tank tops at Contempo. I never knew he liked BAP, but I should have. BAP, the Bronze Age Pervert, and his book, Bronze Age Mindset, appeals to the barbarians of 21st century America.

The entirety of the first half of this book is to confuse, entertain and educate you. It confuses and throws off the readers who do not know BAP’s style. Why is his spelling off? Why is he focused on whoremoans and the evolution of yeast? Oh damn, he is pretty funny! The stories, my God, he has found a way to bring classic myths to life for us devolved huemans! BAP explicitly breaks it down so that you, contemporary man, can understand that you are a demystified and neutered version of what you can be. There is no space to claim. There is no territory to stake out for one’s own. We have become, as BAP explicitly states, the chimp in the zoo jerking off.

BAP is writing of the spark within all of us, that fire, that vitality, and what the Greeks called thumos. BAP cites so much Greek that you should be buying Greek histories and plays just to get on his level. How can one exhibit that spark in a world where man is caged? This is a mode of life entirely excluded from us. At this moment, at this very moment, there should be crowds of men banded together to fight for their lands as they are flooded with the residue of the Turd World as BAP states in his tweets. They cannot though because we have Anglo laws, Anglo courts, and Anglo contracts to enforce, which do not work with non-Anglos.

The second half of the book is far darker. The book itself switches from comical and humorous to dark. BAP even goes easy on the readers by saying not to try and compare yourself to ancients because you’re a homosexual compared to them and do not even have the opportunity to act. The latter section provides you with more direction in how to be a pirate or a barbarian for the coming dark times. The current legal system handcuffs everyone and has destroyed the mores that formerly allowed uncles and fathers to kill the kiddie diddler in town or take the slick guy who raped their niece in his Packard out to a heath for a quick burial and “Oh golly, he skipped town”. Those acts will need to return, old truths will rear their heads and you will either be a pirate or a ghey.

Spare a moment for the focus of so many reviewers: BAP’s homoeroticism. BAP trolls. He does this deliberately. These reviewers are most likely Bugman themselves who are not self-loathing enough to be a liberal yet are still spineless dweebs that would dare not say ‘fuck you’ to anyone in real life. If you want to waste precious seconds in your insignificant life reviewing the work of a genius by focusing on BAP’s "ghey" points, then please, do so, then go to the wine bar with GF and enjoy tasteful banter.

A valid criticism would be that this book merely tells you what you want to hear. There is no direct self-improvement advice. There is no real self-help. It sells because young men are lazy. The help is in knowing that you are not alone in seeing this shitty excuse of an MMORPG we call 21st century Earth for what it is. Isn’t that why we love podcasts? Someone is saying what we think all of the time. There is also joy in the Bronze Age brotherhood. Please do not revel in it without learning its messages, esoteric and exoteric. The worst thing you could do is merely discuss it with some fellow travelers in your chat room and forget it come the holidays or worse, reduce it to a snappy catchphrase or memorable misspelling like whoremoans. BAP has many messages. BAP wants you to understand the underworld and the mafias that are all around us. One could even argue that he wants you to form your own mafia. There is more buried in that text.

There is a sequence in this book that is beautiful. It offers you the reader the chance to see ways out. BAP describes the career of Alcibiades but as if Mitt Romney and modern times were the stage, and then he follows it with the Athenian Hippocleides of the famous Greek saying “Hippocleides cares not” (my translation, not BAP’s). Alcibiades is often portrayed in history as a man who changed sides and defied Athenian norms and mores because he vainly sought greater glory. To any man who seeks perfection and the heights of human achievement, Alcibiades is the well rounded, exceptional Icarus figure who always strove to touch the sun and defy the democratic norms of Athenian society. Athens’ stupidity rejected him, just as Cleisthenes rejected Hippocleides from marrying his daughter despite his exceptional traits and willingness to dance however he wanted in front of whomever. Hippocleides did lose the hand of this fair maiden, but his name is the one that all Greek students learn. A classics student knows in his heart Alcibiades is admirable and that Athenian society cruelly uses processes and norms to hold men like him back. The bugman does not live with honor nor has the courage to strive for greatness so he swallows the historians’ verdict on those two men. BAP knows better and so do you.

BAP wants you to think of these men and many more like the conquistadors as you assemble your tribe. Not your ethnic tribe but your band of brothers. Men who like the taste of blood and can be savvy. Not geniuses who desperately want to be respected for their intellect because they have the right opinion and have found "truth." BAP wants you to be surrounded by men who know that no answer is worth a damn unless backed by a hand willing to strike. The fist must be righteous, but when used, all men in the group will agree ‘This iz gud’. BAP wants your mind hardened for the coming age of troubles or return of a golden age of piracy. He does not want you retreating to walled gardens to shitpost using banned words. BAP wants you lifting, owning the beach and knowing the iron scent that comes with spilled blood.

This book is not for the nerds incapable of a pull-up, who shouldn't bother reviewing it. It’s not for the blue cheka to use to try and peek into the mind of the ascendant right wing men who lift. It is for the teenager on the edge of hikikomori or boldly blazing a path. It is for the 21-year-old disgusted with his freshman year in college and thinking of dropping out for a trade or adventure in South America. It is for your friend still single and 29 who stood back to back with you punching douchebags at a New Year’s Eve party melee because someone spilled cabernet on another guy’s sweater. It is for the fit bro who is taking his tenth doughy girl with a cute face out for drinks because deep down he does want to carve out a claim in life, own space and sire heirs. It is for every man who knows this defanged society with zero conflict yet bursting at the e-seems with digital conflict is just waiting to blow. And when it does, the barbarians of the Bronze Age will ride again.

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