The earth has become a small place and on it hops the bugman. The bugman is drawn to the levers of power like the cockroach is drawn to the noxious odors of the garbage can, this compulsion is a part of their innermost nature. So around these levers, they gather, waiting for their "chance" to release their egg sack of bad and perverse ideas into the bloodstream of public consciousness.
There are many different kinds of Bugman. There is the Media Bugman (Chris Hayes, Matt Yglesias, Dylan Matthews, etc. are all notable Media Bugmen,) the Deep State Bugman (John Schindler, Ash Carter, Ben Rhodes, etc.) The Silicon Valley Bugman (Mark Zuckerberg) the Goldman Sacs Bugman, the Bugman of Academia, etc. Unfortunately for us, as the authoritative work of Bugman taxonomy has yet to be published, the boundaries of these categories are not entirely clear at present, with some unavoidable overlap taking place (one could, for example, be both a Media Bugman and a Deep State Bugman, etc.)
That being said, at present we will be attempting to profile some of the more influential Neoconservative Bugmen. And attempt to answer the question which has dogged humanity, as they say, "since the dawn of time" namely: who is the truly the most loathsome of the Neocon Bugmen?
Answering this question has proved no easy task as the competition has proven to be quite fierce. So after many hours of careful thought and vigorous debate, I am proud to present to you the first authoritative ranking of the "Top 10 Most Loathsome Neocon Bugmen":
#10: Jennifer Rubin
Kicking off our list is one Jennifer Rubin. Rubin is notable for being the only ostensible female to make the list, although whether she actually does meet the traditional biological qualifications for "femaleness" is a sentiment which may be open to doubt. Regardless, she's managed to distinguish herself as quite the Neoconservative harpy, so let's take a look at some of her "accomplishments" shall we?:
Rubin started out her career in Southern California, where she spent two decades as a Labor Lawyer. The expertise she gained in the domains of international policy and geopolitics during these years is evidenced by her later Op-Ed writing, which has been affectionately described as both "shallow and predictable" and "political pornography."
Needless to say, it was probably these attributes which most impressed the editors of
Jeff Bezos' Blog the Washington Post, as they have never wasted an opportunity to further sully the name of a once storied and respected institution by employing buffons or simpletons.
Like all Neocons Rubin vigorously supports a vicious global Liberal Hegemony, this is merely par for the course. But her contempt and hatred of Arabs and Iranians and her particular dedication to the policies of the vicious and insane Likud party are what really distinguishes her "work."
One of the more amusing manifestations of this tendency was her 2011 approving retweet of a vicious Israeli blog which referred to Palestinians as "child sacrificing savages," and "unmanned animals" who deserve to become "food for sharks."
Rubin is a terrible, horsefaced human being but otherwise isn't that impressive a neocon. To be honest the only reason she graces this list is...well because it's 2017 and we wanted to break the glass ceiling.
#9: George Weigel
Coming in at #9, and representing the Catholic wing of Neoconservatism, is George Weigel. With Weigel, we have a more tragic case than most of the others on the list. Whereas the others tend to be Jewish or irreligious, Weigel's Catholicism carries with it certain legitimate non-liberal tendencies and inclinations. But how to hold these in light of Vatican II's liberalization in various arenas (for instance, with respect to "religious liberty", a particular hobby-horse of Weigel's)?
For Weigel as for many modern "conservative" Catholics, the Catholic Church's unrelenting polemics against modernism and liberalism prior to the mid 20th century have to be received in accord with a blatantly opposed spirit of ecumenism and compromise as initiated at Vatican II. Cognitive dissonance and sophistry are the order of the day. And, contrary to popular conservative Catholic apologetics, the "Spirit of Vatican II" wasn't a coup by liberal interpreters of the council, opportunistically seizing the moment, but is contained within and flows out of the council documents themselves.
This forms the foundation of Weigel's distinctive Catholic neoconservative incoherence, which purports to prize the traditional family, for instance, but is at peace with the capitalism which is undermining it. Which holds to the Catholic doctrine of Just War, but supports wars which utterly fail to meet that standard. Which is part of a tradition that insists on the Social Kingship of Christ, which says that Christ's rights must be upheld above all else, and yet makes compromises with secular liberal democracy and the modern state which are utterly opposed to this notion.
This half-hearted quasi-traditionalism results in a petulant self-loathing which is nowhere so apparent than in his frequent lashing out at the Russian Orthodox Church, one of the sole bastions of genuine Christian conservativism in the world. A bastion which has now been pitted against the degenerate West, which somewhere deep down he loves but can't bring himself to acknowledge, which is why his frequent polemics against it are particularly irrational and deranged. His fierce insistence on the legitimacy and rights of the Ukrainian Greek Catholic Church, contra the Russian Orthodox Church which sees it as heretical, is bizarre. The truth is that he only showers the schismatic Ukrainians with attention due to their political significance and usefulness in the West's unending war upon Russian culture and values. A war which Weigel has knowingly enlisted himself.
Weigel sees in the Russian Orthodox a Church triumphant over the horrors of Soviet communism, one that is finally returning to a robust Christian traditionalism, and hates that his own communion has left him holding the bad fruits of liberalism and compromise.
But Weigel's inclusion into the top 10 is due not merely to his anti-Russian hysterics (a sentiment common enough among American Catholics that it is unremarkable) but, more importantly, to his
consistent advocacy for Neoconservative wars of choice. An advocacy which frequently cloaks itself under the pretension of being justified in accordance with Catholic "Just War Theory." Thus, Weigel and by extension "First Things" has played an integral role in conning otherwise well-meaning Catholics into supporting war which only serves to benefit a Neoliberal order which has dedicated itself to their destruction.
#8: Evan McMullin
Placing 8th on our list is Evan
McMuffin McMullin, whose quixotic and pathetic Presidential campaign in which he desperately attempted to derail Donald Trump (thus throwing the election to the vile and grotesque Hillary Clinton) by attempting to win the state of Utah brought him much more notoriety than his pedestrian life as third string deep state hack would otherwise have ever afforded him. His strange campaign also garnered him another unique distinction—as he is a lifelong, very devout, but unmarried Morman—of becoming, overnight, the most influential 40-year old virgin currently living in the Western Hemisphere.
McMullin was born in Utah, to a devout family of
cultists Mormons, and spent two years immediately after high school spreading Brigham Young's noxious heresy to the unsuspecting citizens of Brazil. He then enrolled at Brigham Young University during which time he was employed in a yearly summer internship with the CIA and also spent a year in Jordan and Israel where he volunteered as a Refuge Resettlement officer. After his extremely Mormon College Experience, he began a long stint with the CIA where, as a Foreign Intelligence officer he worked tirelessly to facilitate exterminate Terrorist groups in the Middle East.
After this fun romp, he attended the Wharton Business school, before being spirited away to employment with the scrupulous investment bank Goldman Sachs.
But his career in high finance was interrupted by the Presidential campaign of fellow
cultist Mormon Mitt Romney, whose campaign he passionately dedicated himself to. Working for the Romney campaign was the key that opened the door of true D.C. hackery for McMullin and enabled him to make the contacts necessary to launch his own campaign in 2016.
Thus McMullin finds himself at number 8 because he has become, not only a living meme with an abnormally shaped head but also the official spokesman for the perverse desires of the American Deep State.
#7: Bill Kristol
Bill Kristol's placement as number 7 on our list may shock some seasoned Neocon watchers, who consider him one of the most influential living Neocon Bugmen. His father, Irving Kristol, was one of the original founders of Neoconservativism as an Ideology, and he himself was a co-founder, along with the slimy John Podhoretz, of the infamous Weekly Standard.
Additionally, Kristol is easily the most high profile of the Bugmen, constantly appearing on cable and network news panels to either promote a new war of aggression or defend the Zionist state which presently occupies Palestine.
Naturally, during the run-up to the Iraq war, Kristol was stumping hard for it. Claiming that it was not only necessary but also would be relatively easy, taking only "two months" at most.
He has also constantly obsessed about the so-called "Iranian Threat", a threat which obviously only exists for one particular country in the greater Middle East, one which happens, unsurprisingly, to not be the United States.
However, while Kristol is undoubtedly high profile and well known, the reason why he ranks at a modest #7 is that his intellectual capability is noticeably lacking. In an ironic twist of fate, it seems as though his father's remarkable command of a formidable array of sophistries was not passed on to the second generation. His writing (and thinking) tends toward the bland, predictable and unimaginative. He possesses neither the wit and cleverness of a good polemicist nor the charm and glibness of a good salesman. Thus he ends up as a kind of bland cheerleader for that small group of imbeciles who are already convinced of the virtue of his positions.
He also displays a rather impressive degree of general incompetence. His brief stint as a New York Times opinion contributor, for example, was marred by a remarkable amount of obvious factual errors. But this incompetence pales in comparison to his leadership of the NeverTrump movement during the 2016 Presidential Campaign. The execution of which was not only a total and embarrassing failure but also a dumpster fire of a magnitude which borders on the sublime. As if that weren't enough already he also managed to produce this little gem:
In short, Kristol, in spite of being the most high profile and certainly worthy of scorn, simply isn't competent or intelligent enough to crack the top 5.
#6: Max Boot
Arriving at #6 is none other than Max Boot, a character so odious that it is only the extreme loathsomeness of his competition which prevents him from cracking the top 5.
Where does one even begin with a creature like Boot?
Boot, a Jewish emigrate whose family fled the Soviet Union in order to indulge in the economic bounty of 1980's America, has somehow managed to distinguish himself as a "leading foreign policy thinker." This in spite of the fact that he holds merely a Master's degree (which he somehow managed to complete in only one year) and produces works of military "scholarship" which have been described as both "Remarkably superficial" and "essentially unreviewable" due to Boot's inability to do proper research which rendered his conclusions "essentially meaningless."
The vision which Boot promotes for America is as a New British Empire (even including the pith helmets!), a kind of Global Super Robot which will enforce the norms and customs of Boot's preferred Ideology of Neoliberal Cosmopolitanism upon the less enlightened peoples of the world.
Granted Boot's projects towards this end, from Afghanistan to Lybia to Iraq and beyond, have always turned out to be unmitigated failures. Yet even the harsh light of reality hasn't dissuaded him from continuing to advocate for this laughable vision of imperial glory from the comfort of his think tank's offices.
In fact, Boot, the self-declared American Imperialist has even had the gall to accuse Donald Trump of being a "fascist" and claimed that he would sooner vote for "Joseph Stalin than Donald Trump." One can only wish Boot could somehow literally get to experience his stated preference. Then, perhaps, instead of continuing to assemble shallow works of historical fan fiction and pushing wars in which everyone but itself may die, the misshapen carcass which refers to itself by the name "Max Boot" may finally end up where it actually belongs: as fresh fertilizer for a wheatfield.
#5: James Kirchick
Kicking off the top five is James Kirchick. Who, when he's not allowing other men to vigorously masturbate into his lower intestine, keeps himself busy by agitating for war with Russia.
Kirchick's dual passion, for both sodomy and anti-Russian hysterics, is what really sets him apart from the rest of the pack of otherwise qualified Bugmen. This dual passion runs so deep that it drives him to impressive heights of manic effeminacy, such as the time he appeared on RT and instead of defending his advocacy for subjecting the transsexual leaker of classified information now known as "Chelsea" Manning to the death penalty for his behavior, proceeded to go on an amusing rant about the "danger" of Russia's "anti-gay law."
A law which does little more than prevent the dissemination of Somdomite propaganda to minors. Propaganda which seeks to legitimize the intrinsically disordered, unnatural and self-evidently vile lifestyle practiced by repulsive Bugmen like Kirchick.
Kirchick recognizes, to his credit, the real stakes (which are existential) involved in our present political conflict. Hence why he observed that a "democratic West cannot live with the Putin regime." This is an undoubtedly true statement, as the militant and arrogant Libertinism practiced by diseased parasites like Kirchick can not sleep soundly knowing a genuine bastion of legitimate European Christendom, whether in Russia, Poland, or Hungary still exists. This existential battle goes both ways, however, as any who seek to live genuinely Traditional or genuinely human lives cannot rest while human vermin like Kirchick menace their lives and the lives of their children. One party will be inevitably exterminated by the other; the only question remaining is which one it will be.
#4: David Frum
With the #4 name on our list, we begin our descent into the true "heart of darkness" as the remaining names represent truly the worst of the worst of Neoconservative evil.
David Frum, oddly enough, was born in Toronto to a family of affluent Canadian Jews who had immigrated from Poland to Canada in the 1930's. A born careerist, Frum first attended Yale University before moving on to Harvard Law School. After which Frum hopped between various low-level Media and writing gigs before getting his big break with a hit piece on Pat Buchanan entitled "Conservative Bully Boy." In which he viciously attacked Buchanan for his nationalist political agenda and supposed "jew-baiting." A charge he would continue to hurl at those he opposed on the Right for the rest of his career.
A career which would eventually lead him into the highest levels of power, when he was selected as a speech writer for George W. Bush, During his time with the administration he would help to pen one of Bush's most infamous utterances: the "Axis of Evil" speech. A speech which prefigured the disastrous and bloody Iraq war, a war which Frum earnestly cheerlead for. And not only did Frum cheerlead for it, but he went even further, attacking all those who opposed it in a remarkably dishonest and cynical 2003 broadside entitled "Unpatriotic Conservatives" published in National Review. In the hit piece, he accused a diverse group of generally mild-mannered pundits and thinkers such as Patrick Buchanan, Robert Novak. Llewellyn Rockwell, Samuel Francis, Thomas Fleming, Scott McConnell, Justin Raimondo, Joe Sobran, Charley Reese, Jude Wanniski, Eric Margolis, and Taki Theodoracopulos of being essentially some kind of unpatriotic crypto-Nazis.
Frum's sanctimonious ramblings ended up being quite effective at further damaging the careers of men who were already, at best, marginal actors. The only problem for Frum, of course, was that the crypto-Nazis were right and he was wrong. The war was an unmitigated disaster that cost the lives of thousands of Americas and hundreds of thousands of Iraqis, ruined the lives of tens of thousands more who are now permanently disabled and set the region on a spiraling course of continued death and chaos.
Collusion with such a disaster (not to mention every other bloody intervention he advocated for as well) shouldn't be allowed to pass without the most extreme consequences. Yet Frum not only escaped without any serious repercussions but was ultimately rewarded with a position as a senior editor with the middlebrow, Neoliberal shit rag of record The Atlantic. A position in which he now triumphantly squats, and from whose heights he excretes bile upon all those who he opposes.
In one of his last columns, the late great Joe Sobran (himself a victim of Neocon machinations) mused that:
The big issue, of course, is the war in Iraq, which my old friend Fred Barnes of The Weekly Standard has called “the greatest act of benevolence one nation has ever performed for another.” I think I see his point. Not only have we given Iraq democracy; now that Saddam Hussein has been sentenced to hang, the Iraqis will have the satisfaction of watching their former ruler at the end of a rope, his feet kicking spasmodically for a few delicious seconds.
Even if the Democrats carry both houses of Congress, this is a spectacle we are unlikely to enjoy here in the Land of the Free.
But Sobran's lament needn't become for us a prophecy. The future still remains unwritten, and there is more than enough time for Frum's feet to kick spasmodically, keeping time with the delicious rhythm of justice.
For as another high-profile Jewish intellectual once said: "If you will it, is it no dream."
#3: Robert Kagan
Placing at #3 is Robert Kagan, who is perhaps the most genuinely influential and impressively corpulent Bugman on this list. Kagan's influence stems not only from his prolific activism and relentless propagandizing but also from his marriage to one Victoria Nuland who served as assistant secretary of state for European Affairs under the Obama Administration. A notable Neocon Ideologue herself, her most high-profile moment came in 2014 during the height of the U.S. orchestrated coup in Ukraine against its legitimately elected leader. During which a phone conversation was leaked to the press in which Nuland is heard conspiring with the U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine about which Ukrainian politician should become the Prime Minister. This in spite of the laughable claims put forward by the U.S. about the Ukrainian people being free to decide the destiny of the country.
Kagan has been a relatively articulate spokesman and advocate for Neoliberal Globalism as an Ideology. Kagan's desires, as he layed out in a famous 1996 essay for Foreign Policy, are for a continuous U.S. role in the world as a Benevolent Hegemon, which will then being the process of slowing conquering the world with it's "universal values." It is these universal values (the values of Bugworld) upon which the entire Neocon project rests, as Kagan put it:
The remoralization of America at home ultimately requires the remoralization of American foreign policy. For both follow from Americans' belief that the principles of the Declaration of Independence are not merely the choices of a particular culture but are universal, enduring, "self-evident" truths. That has been, after all, the main point of the conservatives' war against a relativistic multiculturalism. For conservatives to preach the importance of upholding the core elements of the Western tradition at home, but to profess indifference to the fate of American principles abroad, is an inconsistency that cannot help but gnaw at the heart of conservatism.
Is Kagan, of course, on a certain level not completely correct here? For if one takes Jefferson's sophistry seriously, the implication is quite clear: the American project contains an implicit universal imperative which can only be realized when the entire world has been subjected to its brutal and perverse dictates.
This subjugation is Kagan's vision: a universal Bugtopia in which all have become as deracinated, debased and worthless as Kagan's own tribe already is.
#2: Jeffrey Goldberg
Placing at an impressive second place is none other than the frequently enraged and seething flesh sack which is sometimes referred to as "Jeffrey Goldberg."
What makes Goldberg really stand out is his combination of influence (which is significant as he is the Editor in Chief at the Atlantic) and the ability to lie consistently.
Goldberg's path to prominence was a relatively unusual one. After a childhood spent in New York, Goldberg became so enamored of the nation of Israel that he refused to simply stay in the U.S. and play cheerleader for its various acts of brutality and cynicism from afar. Such a fate was unacceptable to Goldberg, hence why he felt compelled to move to Israel where he worked as a prison guard at an IDF concentration camp for Palestinians who were (and are presently) slowly being ethnically cleansed from their traditional homelands by America's greatest ally.
Upon returning from his adventure, Goldberg began to work his way up the rungs of professional Beltway journalism. Quickly distinguishing himself as an "expert" on The Middle East. No doubt this recognition was due, in no small part, to his year spent brutalizing and humiliating Palestinians in order to further the interests of his coethnics.
The other high point of his career came in the lead up to the Iraq war, during which he began to churn out article after article of transparent and shameless falsehoods. Such as insinuating that Saddam Hussein was working with Al Qaeda or that he was close to acquiring nuclear weapons. The fact that these assertions were, even at the time, absurd on their face didn't prevent Goldberg's career from not only escaping the Iraq fiasco unscathed but also somehow gaining momentum afterward, as he would go on to an even more prestigious job as the Editor-in-chief of The Atlantic.
What really distinguishes Goldberg from the rest of the pack, and what enabled him to make the #2 spot on the list, is the unique role he plays in the Neoconservative Media ecosystem. Namely as an ostensibly Liberal advocate for Neoconservative foreign policy for credulous middlebrow blue state audiences. In this role he has also made himself a kind of grand inquisitor of Anti-Semitism, making sure to use the slur generously, especially towards those on the Left who are in any way skeptical of his Israel worship. As well as those who would dare to bring up the specter of any potential dual loyalties he might possibly have or the fact that he has been referred to as "Benjamin Netanyahu's faithful stenographer."
Did I mention he's also passionate about preemptive strikes against Iran? Which he believes will be necessary in order to protect
Israeli U.S. national security interests.
#1: Michael Weiss
And coming in at first place, as the objectively most loathsome Neocon Bugman, is none other than the insufferable young faggot Michael Weiss.
Now I know what you're thinking: "but he's so young, relatively obscure, and utterly talentless, how can he be number one?" While these objections are undoubtedly true, Weiss possesses what we in the biz like to call "intangibles."
What makes Weiss especially notable is not merely the obvious fact that he is dumb, but that he is arrogant and dumb. It is this irrepressible smugness, combined with the odious ideology which he continually pedals, which make him the most contemptible young catamite currently shilling in the English-speaking world.
Weiss rose to prominence as an initiate and understudy of the famous Trotskyite fanatic Christopher Hitchens. Although it's quite obvious, he didn't gain all that much from the apprenticeship, as he seems to possess none of Hitchen's charm and eloquence while retaining all of his abysmal ignorance and sloppy thinking.
Since the death of his zealous sensi, Weiss has gone on to position himself as the wunderkind of unhinged foreign policy writing by authoring innumerable pieces of fetid propaganda and poorly researched books, while also embarking on the perfunctory and superficial war tourism expected of those of his "profession."
Weiss's career is largely made possible by generous contributions from exiled and disgraced Russian oligarch Mikhail Khodorkovsky who made his fortune by participating in the looting of his country during the 1990s. Under Khodorkovsky's patronage, the slightly built Weiss has shrilly advocated for every terrible Neoconservative idea imaginable. From censoring news media which dissents from his preferred Neocon talking points to accusing Russia of being ISIS's airforce to actively no platforming benign journalists like Rania Khalek from speaking to a group of college students because she opposed Regime change in Syria.
Weiss even occasionally gives profoundly inept and inaccurate military advice, like the time when he bragged that there was "Hardly a risk of ‘open-ended’ conflict with Russia in Syria," and that the "Entire Russian deployment could be wiped out in 48 hrs by US. Putin knows it.”
It is only when viewing this particular sort of unhinged smugness that one is able to truly see the inner essence of the Bugman at its most transparent. It is an essence defined by resentment and impotence, one which seeks to somehow identify itself with a virility which has always eluded the Bugman. Who lives an empty life which, particularly, in Weiss's case, is of absolutely zero moral significance.
Weiss's mentor, Christopher Hitchens, lived a life which he spent spreading lies and half truths about peoples and belief systems he didn't fully understand and advocating for wars which cost the lives of hundreds of thousands of innocents and finally died when he was 62.
All we can do in Weiss's case is hope that, with any luck, we won't have to wait nearly that long.